ROAD TRIP!!!

So this was it!!!

The big TWO weeks without my little band of misfits to keep me company!

I DID survive, but barely!

Let me just tell you, though, if you ever decide to move 10 hours away from the other parental unit....

you're just ASKING for a nightmare when it comes to visitation!

Yeah, yeah, yeah....I love 'em to death and went nuts without them,

but THIS time I'm just talking about all of the GD flipping driving involved with getting them there and back!!!

Let's start with the fact, the my van is a POS:

I'm going to tell you all a secret because I KNOW you won't say a word to anyone:

I've worked at an auto parts store TWICE in the past, and, well....

it's not so much that I don't KNOW what work my van needs done, as

I just really don't want to be BOTHERED with HAVING it done!

Before I headed down South to drop the kiddos off, I mentioned to a dear friend that my brakes and rotors were bad...

I was informed, of course, that "Ummm....those are your BRAKES....you kind of need them to STOP!"

Well, let's just say that I considered that a DARE!!

Soooo.....I set off on my trek sans adequate brakes, and, oh yeah! Let's just add in the fact that my left blinker light is out!!!

(Nothing says, "I'm changing lanes, you stupid A$$ trucker", than a woman in a minivan full of kids about ready to make you jack-knife your rig just because you have no idea about the screaming she has endured!!)

Truth be told...I was scared to DEATH, but we got there safe and sound.

Kid-swap was peaceful, and I set off to discover what two weeks without the kiddos would feel like...

On a sidenote:

That blinker light started working again less than an HOUR after I dropped the kiddos off!!!

(Any one with a Forensics background want to look into that for me?  It seems a little TOO coincidental!)

TWO WEEKS:

Blah, blah, blah, life sucks....turns out I don't actually LIKE alone time!

(SHHH!!! I'm only admitting that because I KNOW I can trust you folks not to breathe

 a WORD of that to anyone!!!)

Flash forward 2 weeks:

TIME TO GET THE KIDDOS!!!

The trip to pick them up....not NEARLY as smooth!!!

We were meeting in the same place...should be smooth, right?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

(OH! FYI: Fixed the blinker but STILL haven't fixed the brakes)

I decided I needed to borrow my Dad's GPS, you know, "just in case"...

(Dear Lord, forgive me for all of the things I've borrowed from that man thinking they would actually HELP me out!!!)

First thing I notice, of course, is the "Estimated Time of Arrival"...

Oh, GOODIE!!!!

A CHALLENGE!!!

(I looked at the freaking thing and thought, "SERIOUSLY?!?! That MUST be a dare!!!")

When I beat that time by more than an hour, I secretly thanked Doc Emmit Brown and the flux capicitor he OBVIOUSLY hooked up in my van because I felt like a TOTAL time traveler!!!

NOW I'VE GOT THE KIDDOS!!!!!!

The trip back, I assume, will be as simple as it was down......

(famous last words)

Did I mention that I'm using my dad's GPS?!?!?!

Turns out, he reprogrammed it before I left!!

Soooo....I took me back a COMPLETELY different way!

(Note to Self: You're buying your OWN GPS and never borrowing one from ANYone else EVER again!!!)

OK, I'll cut to the chase:

I got the kiddos....

I won't even MENTION the construction and traffic....

Storms left the GPS utterly USELESS!!!!

(Pretty sure a CAVEMAN could have navigated his way home better than I did!)

Anyway...

Long story short....

I found my small town (completely IGNORANT of Big City common sense) self lost and wandering in the middle of downtown Baltimore with 4 small kiddos who are even more clueless than I am!!!

THREE courtesy lessons from completely creepy dudes on how to clean my windshield later...

we find our way out.

Oh, GOODIE!!!

A LIGHTNING storm!!!

YES!!! I just LOVE zero visibility!!

GOLF SIZE HAIL?

Of course!!

This is where my nerves are so shot that I can't take it anymore.....

Whichever hotel has a room available is earning a few bucks!

Nothing like a Midnight check-in to a hotel....

We are lucky enough to get the "smells like cat piss room"

Yeah, I can't check out early enough...

go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep........

I'm awake, needless to say, I didn't pack a bag so I have NOTHING to even brush my hair/teeth with...

Thank GOD for continental breakfast!!!

(all of which, of course, ended up in the trash!!!)

On the road again...

"I have to pee!!!!"

Good for you.....you'll set a world record when we actually make it home then!!! 

End of story.....

Amtrack will be seeing 4 VERY busy customers every 6 months for the next several years!!!

I can't handle it, otherwise!