OK, so, by now, you all know that I am one of those moms who was OBVIOUSLY cursed by the whole...
"I hope your kids turn out just like YOU!!" saying....
Well, today we hit an All-Time low...
The kiddos and I were having a BLAST!!!!!!
You know that old saying....
"It's like taking candy from a baby"?
Well, let's just say, when you teach your kiddos that LYING is the WORST way to piss Mama off...
Then, teaching them to play Poker is an all out FANTABULOUS way to win back that undeserved allowance money!!!!!
(Kiddos afraid of lying=afraid of bluffing!!!!)
Sooooo....."Gamma" comes home and finds me "corrupting" her grandchildren with poker.....
and she decides to break out the "Biblical Characters Memory Game"
(insert random personal life choice judgment comment here: ____________)
Well, let's just say:
Sometimes MOMMY actually knows best!!!!!
Here's how "Bible Memory" ACTUALLY went:
Princess: OH!!! LOOK!!! I found baby Jesus!!!
Instigator: Yeah, good luck finding him AGAIN!!
Instigator: LOOK!!! It's God!!!
Princess: That's not GOD!!!!! That's baby Jesus when he got OLD!!!
Instigator: BABY Jesus NEVER got old. (Good point, I guess.)
Princess: Boys are SOOOOOOOOO stupid!
.........................This is where I opened my first beer because I KNEW where it was headed.........................
Me: OK, OK.....let's just go to the next card
And they do.......
As luck would have it....
ADAM AND EVE!!!!
Instigator: You KNOW that God made boys first for a REASON!!!!
Princess: What reason is that?!?!?
Instigator: Cuz boys are better!!!
Princess: No WAY!! He made a MISTAKE and made girls to FIX it!
(Flip a card, flip a card....PLEASE someone flip a card!!!!!)
Instigator: OH LOOK!!! It's Jesus with his Mommy and Daddy!!!!
Princess: That's NOT his Daddy!!!! That's GOD!!!!!
Instigator: LOOK, it says "Joseph"!!!
Princess: But, Gamma says GOD is his Dad.....
Princess: But, Gamma says GOD is his Dad.....
(Oh, Dear Lord ALMIGHTY....PLEASE do not make me have to explain the "birds and the bees" to a FOUR year old!!!!)
.........................................FLASH FORWARD 10 minutes and several Mama drinks later.......................
Princess: It's JONAH!!! He got ate by a whale!!!
Instigator: You only know that from VeggieTales.....and that just means he got POOPED out later!!!
Princess: NUH-UH!!!!
Instigator: You can't even READ!!!! You are sooo stupid!!! If you get EATEN, you get pooped out!!! It's called SCIENCE....DUUUHHHH!
..................................looking for liquor now....DAMN! Forgot there's none here!!........................................
Oh, Dear Lord.....David and Goliath.......THIS should be interesting!!!!
Princess: YEP!!! That's right!!!! Story about how the "little one" beats the crap out of the BULLY!!!! ...... BRING IT!!!!
Instigator: You do NOT have as good of aim as HE did!!! You're a GIRL!!!
Six thrown Leggo's and a goose egg on the head later........
ALL OUT WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.................This is where I grab a beer, kick my legs up on the table and just WAIT for the fallout!!!...........
Flash Forward.....We've moved on to Mommy finding funny religious pics online.
(Stop judging I couldn't take it anymore! They needed comic relief!)
The dino/Ark pic from above shows up...
Princess: This is soooooo STUPID!!!! Everyone KNOWS that the Dinosaurs were killed by ALIENS way before they talked to HUMANS!!!
...................................................THIS is where it gets ugly...................................................................
Instigator throws the stack of cards, hitting the Princess in the face....
Princess, in turn, pushes him, and he falls into a deck chair....
Instigator throws aforementioned deck chair at her...
Princess retaliates by kicking him in the....."well, you KNOW where place"
ALL of this in the amount of time it takes me to jump out of MY chair and intervene!!!
Bottom line?
There's something to be learned from EVERY situation.....
There's a REASON they say it's wrong to talk politics or religion!!!!
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