North vs. South.....the NEW Civil War!!!!!

Alright, so I know that I have been busy lately and unable to put up a new post,

but I had NO idea it had actually been so many days!!

(Luckily, none of you took me seriously before when I mentioned calling the cops if this blog suddenly disappears!!! hahahah)

The reason WHY I haven't been posting......

I'M PREGNANT!!!

(LMAO! SERIOUSLY, people?!??! I already have 4 reasons to self-medicate everyday!!! NO chance of another any time soon!!!)

Seriously, though...

I'm in the middle of moving back up North.

All of the stress, chaos, and disorder that comes with moving has kept my lighthearted spirit suppressed.

It HAS gotten me to thinking, though.

There are a MILLION reasons for moving back to my hometown, and, when I stop to think about it...

I'm not sure what took me so long!

I decided that there are definitely things I will NOT miss about the South, and things I can't WAIT to get back to again up North....

Things The South should NEVER advertise:

1. Sweet Tea:

    Honestly....if I want sugar added to my Iced Tea, I would have ASKED for it!!!!

2. Summer:

    Ummmm....yeah.....somehow the commercials NEVER show everyone practically MELTING to death  in  100+ temperatures for 4 months of the year!!!

3. Bugs:

    Do you even KNOW what it's like to have a 4 year old CHOKE after walking into a swarm of termites?!?!

4. Thunderstorms:

     I used to LOVE playing in the rain as a child.....the last time my kids did that, it turned from a festive, summer shower to the Princess getting pelted in the forehead by a giant hailstone!

5. Winter:

     I'll grant you that winter here is short-lived, mild, and a lot less annoying than in the North....BUT.....when it DOES snow, sleet, or any other kind of thing that Jack Frost has in mind....EVERYTHING CLOSES for at least 2 days (usually before anything even happens....if it DOES happen!), and, God forbid you actually find something OPEN...you can't get there because it takes 2 days to clear the roads and 2 WEEKS for anyone to figure out how to DRIVE in it!!!

Northern Secrets:

1. Winter:

     It's so freakin' cold for 6 months of the year, that the kids actually play outside in the snow ALL day!!! They understand that, once your limbs go numb, it's not that cold anymore!

2.  Summer:

     The dead heat of the summer does NOT entail every man, woman, and child walking around looking like some sort of movie reject from "Night of the Living Dead", complete with sweat stains, dripping foreheads, and parched lips.

3. Rain:

    Most summer rainstorms involve children running around outside in their swimsuits, jumping in puddles, and screaming....."I don't need a BATH tonight!!!!!!!!" instead of cowering in the corner for fear that their house is going to explode or....God forbid.....the cable will go out!!!

4. Gas:

    If I need gas for my car....I go to the gas station! Down here, if I need gas......I wait 20 minutes in line behind 5 4-wheelers, a tractor, and 3 scooters!!!

5. Cops:

    Down South, if I get pulled over by the police, I have to hike my shirt down, bring on the tears, and point to the kiddos going psycho in the back......Back home...."Hey!!! I know you!!!! I've got WAAAAYYYY more dirt on you than you want to deal with!!!!!"

Hands down!!

My little redneck town up North beats my little redneck town down South!!!

PS--

I expect a PARADE upon my return!!!!

hahahahh