Lifelines

 

Let's face it...

we ALL sat in suspense, anxiously watching Regis ask question after question as we eagerly awaited that FIRST Million Dollar Winner!!!

(You can stop denying it now, we all know you watched the show at least a few times!!)

Well....as with everything we find mildly entertaining, it quickly became--all at once--boring, aggravating, repetitive, and in serious need of a MUTE button!

But...remember the LifeLines?!?!

I was thinking....(that rarely ends well)

I NEED LIFELINES FOR DEALING WITH THE KIDDOS!!!

I could justify ALL of my "questionable", or even "self-indulgent" coping strategies without a second thought if I could just utter those 6 wonderful words....

"I'd like to use a LifeLine"

Of course....MY LifeLines would NOT involve

"Asking the Audience" (WHO cares what they think, anyway?!?!),

"Phoning a Friend" (They are probably too busy dealing with their OWN kiddo meltdown to say anything that's not gonna pi$$ me off even more!), or

"50/50" (WTH good does 50/50 do when I have to decide which one of the FOUR kids is getting dropped off at the orphanage?!?!)

So, as usual, I came up with my own--much more useful--list of necessary Lifelines:

1. Cigarettes--Smoking might not be good for MY health, but I can PROMISE you that, on MANY occasions, Mommy sneaking out for a smoke was VERY good for the kiddos' health!!

2. Bubble baths--OK, this one is kind of like the "50/50" on my list....no one ever uses it, except as a last resort, because it's really pointless, and, in the end....you still have to take a wild shot in the dark....but, at least, it buys you some time!

3. Chocolate-- This is, in my opinion, the MOST poorly used LifeLine among women! Truth of the matter is that, yes, eating chocolate might make you feel better for a little while, BUT if you give it to the kids instead....it gives you enough time to grab a DRINK!!! Now THAT will make you feel sooo much better than the flipping candy bar!!

4. Cold Medicine--well, yes, I GUESS it might make you feel better if you are under the weather, but NIGHTTIME Children's Cold Medicine is so useful ANY time of the year!!!

5. Beer (or wine, I guess, if your girly like that!)--If you are having one of those days where you simply can NOT decide whether the glass is half empty or half full....use your LifeLine!!! Just empty the flipping glass and get another!!!!

(That last LifeLine, parents, can be used REPEATEDLY until it has finally been successful!!!)