Nights of the Living Dead

After a few too many sleepless nights in a row,

I have come to the conclusion that the kiddos might actually be cleverly disguised ZOMBIES!!

When you REALLY stop to think about it,

raising kids IS a lot like surviving a zombie attack!!!

Of COURSE...

they're CUTE and all, and will eventually evolve into a somewhat more advanced being,

but in the MEAN time......

the similarities should be OBVIOUS!!!

1. They keep you up running around all night long looking for weapons to defend yourself.

2. You wake up each morning LOOKING like a Zombie yourself with bags under your bloodshot eyes and crazy hair, and you can't, for the life of you, remember what the HE!! actually happened!

3. From the time the sun goes down, they are gnawing at your brain until you are CERTAIN your mind will be gone in the morning!

4. That green slime all over them? It's either a diaper blowout after eating Fruit Loops OR yet ANOTHER sinus infection!

5. "BWAINS!!!!"....sorry, folks....haven't met a kiddo YET under the age of 5 that can pronounce their "R's" correctly!

6. Muddy, stained, torn up clothes....come on, now....that's just too obvious to even comment on!

7. Bloody knuckles and torn fingernails?....Apparently you've never seen my kiddos fight over the last red popsicle!

8. A broken down and splintered bathroom door?!?! That is my number ONE attempt at a hiding place,(I know....maybe I should learn a few things from horror flicks!), and ONE of these days....my 2 minutes of solitude WILL result in that scene!!

9. Calling for help is out of the question....MY Zombies don't need to cut the phone lines, though. They ust throw my cell across the room until it smashes OR flush it down the toilet!!! (Zombies are evolving into a MUCH more developed species!!!!)

10. Toxic waste causes Zombies, right?........Well....check the Diaper Genie!!! Enough said!!!! They CREATE it instead of just being EXPOSED to it!!!!

Well, maybe I AM a bit paranoid....

but I want to be PREPARED!!!

But if worse comes to worse, and we discovver that I am RIGHT...

Kiddos ARE, in fact, Zombies...

Know this...

When the attack happens, and you and I are about to run for our lives....

I WILL TRIP YOU!!!!!