Things You Never Thought You'd Need to Know

I noticed this photo a few minutes ago on a friend's page.

WOW!!! Talk about your flashback moments!!

I have actually had THIS experience, but it also reminded me of several other "not so beautiful" moments I've had raising my kiddos.

I've learned a lot over the past 7 years, and I just thought I'd pass some of those "things you never thought you'd need to know" insights onto you:

1. About the picture:

This is definitely sweat and NOT an accident! I know this because....I have had these "accidents" happen to me at least 3 times in the past. When you have a child on your shoulders and they have a diaper leak.....the pee runs down their legs and down your front side! It actually looks a lot more like your ears are leaking than anything else!! Plus, come on.....if the kid just peed down his back, do you really think he'd still be walking around oblivious?!?!?

2. The diaper blowout:

When a 1 yr old child has a major diaper blowout in the middle of the mall 5 minutes before closing and you forgot a change of clothes for him, you WILL look like a kidnapper as you run your naked, screaming child through the mall trying to find the only store still open!!

3. The Puking incident:

Just realize this.....if you take a 2 year old to an Easter Egg Hunt, feed him grapes, cupcakes, and cookies BEFORE letting him run wild in 100 degree heat......he WILL tell you he's sick and then proceed to puke all over your back when you give him a hug!!! (Also....he will then REFUSE to leave the party and FORCE you to wallow in your own stench until he's good and ready to leave!)

4. I've Gotta PEE!!!

Take this one VERY seriously!!! If you are "pretty sure" that your 3 yr old is completely potty trained, do NOT take him to the State Aquarium and, when he says he has to pee 3 exhibits from the restroom, ask him to wait......ALL this results in is a bunch of underpaid gift shop workers and mortified parents (like YOUR kid never did it!) staring at you in disgust when he leaves a giant puddle in the middle of the floor!

5. The Projectile Vomit

Alright, this little number has been pulled on me over and over, yet I never seem to learn my lesson! If you think you can safely take a child under the age of 2 out in public.....YOU'RE JUST WRONG!!! I have actually sat in restaurants while me infants/toddlers have, for no reason other than to embarrass me, pulled an all out "Excorcist" moment on me!!! It doesn't even matter if they've eaten anything green in the past 3 days......whatever flies across the table and hits the guy behind us WILL look like Pea Soup!!! It never fails, though.....that guy WILL be a single guy on a date and cuss you out.....

Hate to tell him this, but...

Just wait......Karma's a B!tch.....

and when you have kids, you will be sorry for doing that to me!!!!